It’s so distressing. Over and over I’ve seen people adopt a cat from a shelter or rescue organization one day and want to return it the next. Why? The cat didn’t become best buds with them overnight. Say what? Would you expect a human stranger you had just invited into your home to become your best bud that fast? I don’t think so!
A friend had adopted a cat with a slight limp from a shelter in Boston. During the first week after the adoption, my friend was sure this relationship was not going to work out. She wanted a cat who would be affectionate and regard her as a best friend but that wasn’t happening. “Should I take her back?” she asked me.
After our coversation, she agreed to keep Suzi for at least another two weeks and follow some suggestions with her. As you may have guessed, by the end of that time period my friend and Suzi were becoming fast friends.
When you are considering adopting a cat (or any shelter animal for that matter), you need to think about what may have led to their becoming a shelter animal. They may have been lost, abandoned, or abused. Whatever the circumstance may have been, they have become confused and fearful …and not sure whom to trust.
Even though some shelters and rescue organizations can be very humane, being alone in a cage, unsure what is going on or what may happen next, can make even the most initially-confident, trusting animal wary in general or in particular situations.
For example, your new cat may tend to respond more quickly and positively to females. There can be lots of reasons for this. Women tend to have softer, higher-pitched voices which are less threatening. They tend to talk to animals as they would to a young child.
Men, on the other hand, tend to have harsher, lower-pitched voices which are more threatening. They tend to talk to animals as they would to another human. Larger size makes a threatening difference. Furthermore, less gentle handling or abuse may be more likely to occur at the hands of men.
Of course, whatever bad experiences occurred in the past are still influencing your cat until it feels comfortable they won’t happen again with you. Some cats may retain a memory of past experiences which you have to accept, as you would with an emotionally-damaged human. Your cat wants to trust you, but trust takes time.
Your cat needs to discover what is expected and tolerated. It needs to be sure how you will behave in different situations. It also needs to know whether there is an underlying uncondtional love present–that no matter what behavior may displease you, you still care for the cat that has the behavior. As with children, you want to disapprove of the specific behavior but not the child itself.
Your cat can learn to trust and wants to trust you. Being fearful all the time is just too burdensome to the mind, body, and soul. So give your new cat a chance. If you make the cat’s comfort and adaptation to you your first concern, and not whether you are receiving yet the cuddles you think you deserve immediately, the likelihood of your achieving a great relationship is increased exponentially.